Sunday, May 4, 2008

Humans and their ridiculous feelings...

This is from my new story In The Mirror
It was originally a blog idea...pathetic, huh?
Well...I thought it belonged here...so yeah...
Not like anyone cares anyway.

Sometimes I wondered whether hate was the true opposite of love, if love even had an opposite. Sometimes I wasn’t even sure if love wasn’t made up, just something influenced by Disney, romance novels, and the rest of the world and their stupid media to keep up hope and avoid chaos. It’s for those stupid people without lives to find themselves something to live for, even if it is all eventually... for nothing.


I always thought hate was strange. Who hasn’t used the word hate once in their lifetime? I think everyone except the pure saints on earth and there aren’t many of those, if any. And possibly, even they have thought the word to themselves once or twice for whatever bias reason it may be. Did you even wonder if hate itself was also made up, something to keep our anger in check, something to channel it out? Maybe it’s something we all say and subconsciously mean and don’t mean at the same time. Why would we even express or tell someone we hate them if we really didn’t care how they felt about it? Isn’t that what hate is? To have anger, a grudge, depression, a dark feeling towards someone and yet you don’t care about them enough to hate them? …Then why even care to tell them in the first place? I think the source of all our hate is loneliness, a need for love, attention, want, envy, jealousy; the list goes on and on…. But all in all, hate is not the opposite of love, far from it.


At first I thought pain was the opposite of love. Imagine a four-year-old me, getting yelled out by one parent, comforted from the other. Pain contrasted with love. Yet, though I was comforted, all I truly wanted was for the pain to stop. For love to be all around me so I would never have to deal with the pain. But one can not know love without knowing its opposite, isn’t that right? But can it be truly labeled with our stupid language of meaningless words and statements? You can not appreciate love or you’ll take it for granted… without even meaning it. I think after watching a Sailor Moon movie when I was younger, I remember the main character saying that “you can’t appreciate the good times without the bad times” or something along those lines.


Then why is it, while in love, while you have love, anything associated with love that you also face pain? Is it really necessary? There are millions of ways to find ways to appreciate and live with your love…is the pain really necessary to prove it? It’s strange that pain cannot be the opposite of love for that main reason…it’s far too close just like hate. It’s like that song by Breaking Benjamin, amazing band, by the way. If you’ve ever heard their song Diary of Jane, There’s a line that goes “…There’s a fine line between love and hate…” It’s a true statement, proof that our ridiculous system of words can actually mean something once in a while…


Pain…isn’t the opposite of love, but part of it, a way on the path to the light. Sadly, I always get lost on it.

Sunday, April 6, 2008

Let's Play: Follow The Ridicule!

I can't stand being the age that I am. Physically, I'm about 17 or older.

Mentally, I'm probably in my twenties.

Reality-wise, I'm a 14-year-old.

I hate being respected by the age that people know me by, that I can't be respected by my maturity level. Any person can act childish, adults do it all the time but the moment someone who actually is younger than 18 does it, they're considered disrespectful as if they aren't allowed to stand their own ground. They're to be mocked, not even considered a threat.

In fact, if it wasn't for abuse and child-labor laws children wouldn't be a threat in any means.

This world has been so influenced by statistics, media, religion, and status-quos that nothing has meaning anymore. Everything is defined by how people see you, not by who you are.

If you're that girl wearing the mini-skirt and the tank top- you're labeled as soon as you walk by. You're a whore, the popular girl, the all-eyes-on-me-attention grabber, you're anything but who you are.

Why are we all so judgmental? So easily fooled by what the television feeds to us? We're surrounded by hypocrisy and ridicule and no one stops to change. It's and endless spiral that takes everyone that realizes the wrong. Every time someone tries to break the chain, another is created and it never ends it just begins and begins and continues and continues.

Sometimes I feel like even the good people, even the purest saints on this planet can be the worse influences.

Take Disney for example, always spreading out to children comedy, love, and family- a little paradise to hide yourself away from reality.

It's good to get people to try and follow that influence, but it's also like brainwashing people to think that is the only way your family is happy, is perfect, is fun, is living "The American Way". It's like the Brady Bunch of the 21st century.

For all the fans of the fake Brady Bunch, I apologize but all it causes is influence and eye-pains (for those who watch it for several hours). What about people who are divorced? Who were born out of wed-lock? Who don't go to church every Sunday if even at all? For people who were adopted? There are so many scenarios that are so much more real than that fake black-and-white and sometimes color, depending on what season, that you seen on your television.

So I ask you, what are we really following? Some writer's idea that got it on to the big screen? Where are the real leaders in this world? And is everything and everyone is so fake, to everyone, even themselves- how are they sure who they really are? It's like we're all suffering from our own identity theft. If everyone is fake...what the heck is reality?

Define for me: Family, Love, Life, Reality, Insanity, Sanity, Pain, Happiness, Peace...